Forgive me, readers, for I have been delinquent in my blogging. It has been almost three weeks since my last entry.
My reason for not blogging is a lack of time. No, that's not completely true. That isn't a reason. It's an excuse.
While it is true that I have been busy recently, I haven't really been any busier than I usually am. What I have been is unwilling to work on balance in my personal life. Yes, I am admitting to - gasp - a bout of laziness.
I have not been idle by any standards. I have consistently worked my customary 40+ hours each week. I have continued to do laundry on Sundays. I have finished knitting a sweater and a hat for Lily, started knitting a sweater for Mike, and made considerable progress on Ian's blanket. I have been hard at work on Ian's English curriculum.
But I haven't written a word outside of work-related email since my last blog entry on September 30. I realized this morning that I feel out of balance. Incomplete. Unfulfilled. And I'm crabby. It seems that now that I have recommitted to writing, I feel empty without it. Even though days often pass without me making measurable progress on any writing project, when I carve out just a few minutes each day to tinker with something I feel...well, better. I've told myself for more than two weeks that I don't have time to write. There's always something else that requires my attention, that needs to be done now so I can spend time with my family later. I realized today that I've been lying to myself to justify laziness.
It's hard to make time to write each day, but I realize now that I have to do it. Otherwise, I am out of balance - a shell of my true self, wandering through each day with too much direction but no real purpose. While taking the time to write may take me away from my family in the short-term, the long-term consequences of living with a writer who doesn't write has to be worse for them.
Balance is not an easy thing to achieve. Remove just one component or add one too many, and the scales tip and everything slides into the floor. Achieving balance requires organization, concentration, and willpower - three things that I have allowed to be absent from my personal life lately. But as difficult as balance is to achieve, living without it is even harder.
So take down that net called "excuses." I'm ready to take this balancing act to the center ring.
4 months ago